maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Are my feet made of real feet?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
