So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
