I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
