i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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