There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
