If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
