There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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