I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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