Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
