your thong is hanging out like whoa
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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