oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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