how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
