I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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