I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
