it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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