i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
