another moral hangover. fuck.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Found the puke drawer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
