hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
