oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
