just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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