My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
