I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
