i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
