How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
smell my finger.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
