I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
