just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
