Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
