I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
