1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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