Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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