Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
