My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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