"it" just moved
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
