No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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