Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
COCAINE IS GR8
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
