if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
