please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
