Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
