i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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