hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
