you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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