feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
