this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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