your room smells of hookers.
And success
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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