Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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