are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
