But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
