So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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