you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
