I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it's great music for shaving your balls
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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