You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
