I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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