It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
