I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
