I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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